The last apology. The ending.
a valuable lesson learnt.
today's the 15th August 2012.
well, let me just talk about what's going on in my life now.
It's 15th August 2012, 1:18am.
11 days ago, Bev realised that I lied to her. I felt guilty that I've to her. That day, she asked me a question. I said " No. " It was really hard for us. Especially her. I mean, once trust is lost, its hard to get it back. Or you can say you will never get it back. But unexpectedly, she forgave me and said " Don't lie to me again. " , " Let bygones be bygones. "
Today, on the 15th August 2012, she realized that I've lied to her again. I feel lousier than before. I feel really guilty and sinful. I broke her heart again. I broke her trust once again. My existence, made many guys in her school to hate her. My existence, caused her to waste so much time. My existence, made her neglect her studies and her art. My existence, has hurt her feelings. My existence, has made her feel that virtual people are never real. My existence, has made her waste so much time. Just take a look at above. My existence has hurt her in so many different ways. Who am I to continue chatting with her everyday? Who am I to love her? I don't have the rights. My existence only made her feel worse than she was before.
She's innocent. Why did I hurt her feelings? Why did I broke the trust she had in me? Why did I lie? Why didn't I admit? Why didn't I own up by myself and waited til she exposed me? Why did I do these?
But despite of all the fake appearances, I must say that my feelings for her is true. Everything I told her is true. My life, my results, my uncle's condition. Every bit of my life story that I told her is true. None of them are lies.
The past six months was the best six months I've ever had. The games that we have played together. The jokes that we have shared. The pictures with jokes we have shared. Although this so-called relationship has ended, these memories will stay. No matter what, no matter how old I am, I won't forget this six months.
Like I've said many times on this blog, Beverley is an amazing and really friendly person. It's a pity that you guys won't be able to meet her. Really .
She's one who you can talk to when you're feeling low. When you're low, she will cheer you up using her many tactics. She's one who you can talk about anything and everything. We used to talk about our school life, family life and stuff. From school life, we can change the topic to some other funny stuffs. She's one who always jokes with you. You feel really really relaxed when you're talking to her.
Still, I must thank her for being so patient, forgiving, nice, sweet and a fun person to me. Thanks for giving me so much memories.
Actually, I did well for my Biology paper was because she told me to study the chapter on heart. She gave me specific questions to study on. I'm really grateful to her. But in return, I broke her heart..
She's having her English Prelims tomorrow. I've no idea what's she's doing right now. Anything. I just hope that she's not crying. Crying for me, a person who don't even deserve her tears, is really...
She needs the energy to take her exam tomorrow. It's really important to her. Whatever that's got to do with her, still matters to me. I don't want her to do badly for her Prelims because of me. But apparently, she's doing her Prelims badly because of me.
Yea. She meant so much to me. But I lied. I lied and I didn't learnt from my mistakes.
I've lost someone who meant so much to me.
Sooooooo.
Guys, don't ever ever lie . Even if you lie, own up , admit it. Things won't go wrong this way. Don't be like me.
Learnt a valuable lesson.
Lost someone so important just to get this fact right.
She must be hurting a lot now. I'm sorry... Really sorry...
What for? A sorry won't bring her back to me.
Wishing her all the best for her tests, exams, family/social/relationship life and yes. I wish that she can be happy.
She's been through a lot. A lot . A lot. She's a really strong girl.
She's going through so much pain. And instead of easing her pain, all I did was to add on to it.
Whatever I'm going to go through, its my punishment. I accept that.
你可以带走我的幸福，只要她开心，过的很好，我就很高兴了。
will the feelings fade?
today's the 15th August 2012.
well, let me just talk about what's going on in my life now.
It's 15th August 2012, 1:18am.
11 days ago, Bev realised that I lied to her. I felt guilty that I've to her. That day, she asked me a question. I said " No. " It was really hard for us. Especially her. I mean, once trust is lost, its hard to get it back. Or you can say you will never get it back. But unexpectedly, she forgave me and said " Don't lie to me again. " , " Let bygones be bygones. "
Today, on the 15th August 2012, she realized that I've lied to her again. I feel lousier than before. I feel really guilty and sinful. I broke her heart again. I broke her trust once again. My existence, made many guys in her school to hate her. My existence, caused her to waste so much time. My existence, made her neglect her studies and her art. My existence, has hurt her feelings. My existence, has made her feel that virtual people are never real. My existence, has made her waste so much time. Just take a look at above. My existence has hurt her in so many different ways. Who am I to continue chatting with her everyday? Who am I to love her? I don't have the rights. My existence only made her feel worse than she was before.
She's innocent. Why did I hurt her feelings? Why did I broke the trust she had in me? Why did I lie? Why didn't I admit? Why didn't I own up by myself and waited til she exposed me? Why did I do these?
But despite of all the fake appearances, I must say that my feelings for her is true. Everything I told her is true. My life, my results, my uncle's condition. Every bit of my life story that I told her is true. None of them are lies.
The past six months was the best six months I've ever had. The games that we have played together. The jokes that we have shared. The pictures with jokes we have shared. Although this so-called relationship has ended, these memories will stay. No matter what, no matter how old I am, I won't forget this six months.
Like I've said many times on this blog, Beverley is an amazing and really friendly person. It's a pity that you guys won't be able to meet her. Really .
She's one who you can talk to when you're feeling low. When you're low, she will cheer you up using her many tactics. She's one who you can talk about anything and everything. We used to talk about our school life, family life and stuff. From school life, we can change the topic to some other funny stuffs. She's one who always jokes with you. You feel really really relaxed when you're talking to her.
Still, I must thank her for being so patient, forgiving, nice, sweet and a fun person to me. Thanks for giving me so much memories.
Actually, I did well for my Biology paper was because she told me to study the chapter on heart. She gave me specific questions to study on. I'm really grateful to her. But in return, I broke her heart..
She's having her English Prelims tomorrow. I've no idea what's she's doing right now. Anything. I just hope that she's not crying. Crying for me, a person who don't even deserve her tears, is really...
She needs the energy to take her exam tomorrow. It's really important to her. Whatever that's got to do with her, still matters to me. I don't want her to do badly for her Prelims because of me. But apparently, she's doing her Prelims badly because of me.
Yea. She meant so much to me. But I lied. I lied and I didn't learnt from my mistakes.
I've lost someone who meant so much to me.
Sooooooo.
Guys, don't ever ever lie . Even if you lie, own up , admit it. Things won't go wrong this way. Don't be like me.
Learnt a valuable lesson.
Lost someone so important just to get this fact right.
She must be hurting a lot now. I'm sorry... Really sorry...
What for? A sorry won't bring her back to me.
Wishing her all the best for her tests, exams, family/social/relationship life and yes. I wish that she can be happy.
She's been through a lot. A lot . A lot. She's a really strong girl.
She's going through so much pain. And instead of easing her pain, all I did was to add on to it.
Whatever I'm going to go through, its my punishment. I accept that.
你可以带走我的幸福，只要她开心，过的很好，我就很高兴了。
will the feelings fade?
